Loving your child, not the diagnosis

By Diana Kurtz

For Helping Hands Project
Published on: November 27, 2008

People have said that “parenting will be the hardest job you’ll ever have.” A true trial by fire experience, parenting can present profound happiness, insanity, worries and frustrations. All these aspects can be intensified when raising a child with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, otherwise known as ADHD. Whether you are the parent, grandparent, aunt, uncle, brother, or sister of a loved one with ADHD, here are some helpful tips to keep in mind.

Educate, Educate, Educate

The benefit you get from learning as much as you can about the diagnosis of ADHD, its treatment, and how to cope is tremendous and essential. The more you know about the medical, educational, psychological, and social sides of how ADHD can affect a child and the family, the better prepared you will be to work with people around you to provide the best help possible. Education also means empowering your child with knowledge of the disorder while also not accepting the disorder as a reason not to achieve. Children with ADHD are very bright and, with the proper encouragement and services, can thrive in their environment.

Advocacy and Collaboration are Key

It has been said that parents/caregivers are the best advocate for their child. While this has profound truth to it, it can limit how people see their role in supporting a child in their lives who has ADHD. As the saying goes, “no man is an island,” meaning no one person can or should be expected to provide all the help for the child with ADHD. Not only is it important to let your child take ownership and know he has the power to make good choices, it is also important to invite other family members, medical/psychological personnel, school staff and others to the table to provide the best support possible for your child and your family.

There needs to be a balance between being the best advocate you can be for your child (which can include knowing when not to accept “can’t do it” for an answer), and being humble and insightful enough to work as a team with other people in your child’s life who want what is best for him. Whether that means putting down those “boxing gloves” and talking respectfully to the other parent, teacher, or doctor, that can make all the difference in getting the best possible services and support.

Of All of These…Love

Because a child with ADHD faces many needs due to their diagnosis, this can lead to frustrations from all those involved. Sometimes struggling like this can lead to low self-esteem in your child. Recognizing the positive things that the child does can help protect her from this negative thinking and encourage her to overcome barriers she may face. It is important that your child knows that you believe in her and her capabilities. ADHD is a health condition. Yes it affects many aspects of your child’s life, but it is not the sole aspect of who she is. Showing your child unconditional love and believing in her can be the best help you can give.

Resources

PTHA Kwawachee Counseling Center

2209 East 32nd Street, Tacoma, WA 98404

(253) 593-0246

PTHA Takopid Clinic

2209 East 32nd Street, Tacoma, WA 98404

(253) 593-0232

Child and Adults with Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder

http://chadd.org/

ADD Resources

http://www.addresource.com/

National Resource Center on ADHD